This is the toughest time I have had to carry along with me. I don’t know if it’s about being an adult, and if it is, then it sucks. I am overwhelmed with the quantity of new things I need to sustain. I wish I was a child again with the whole ‘I WANT MY MUM’ thing.
My surroundings show how everything is competing for everything else’s attention through the usual aggressive internet/advertising bombardment rhetoric. It’s a new form of chaos I am starting to experience, a more unpleasant one than its other liberating counterpart. My reaction to these surroundings are changing my mode to ‘auto-pilot’.
As time elapses, Business takes the centre stage. I used to dread the word, and now I want to be associated with it, because in it I see a form of adapting, and shifting in order to truly survive- something which also occurs in my practice. Artist or entrepreneur? Maybe both? I guess this also developed from my growing distaste for the art world with its abstraction upon abstraction. When this abstraction is paired with the wacky world of the art market (which is as important for artists to survive nowadays as it has been to artists throughout history), the result is one that causes nothing but distance between the audience’s feeling and the artwork. This has led me to not be so tempted to visit any contemporary galleries recently.
On a more positive note, I have been blessed to join a Film Company; Shadeena. As a result, film is becoming more and more central to my life and practice, and I am slowly slowly absorbing what comes with the role of a film producer, and seeing echoes of the other collectives I have formed in the past being framed under film production. This is something that excites me and overwhelms me. This job, paired with another job working as an Art teacher at a Secondary School has really taken a huge chunk out of my life time-wise and energy-wise, something that I am aware is very normal for a twenty-something in the postgraduate process of mapping out goals. This takes me back to the ‘I want my mummy’ feeling from the beginning of this entry. Since a lot of my time is taken, what is left is leisure, pleasure, health and painting. I resented the term ‘Sunday Painter’ but then I saw Sunday as the only day in which I could do my painting, which distressed me, as it doesn’t give me much time to develop and seek change within my practice. I am aware that it is a complex process to develop new skills and approaches, and given my limited time, it only makes it harder.
I’ve switched to working on paper as it is lighter and easier to carry around, and in general on smaller surfaces as my new spaces is much smaller than the warehouse I had in Zebbug. Overall I objectively consider this a sad period, as Art as my innate priority has been hijacked and presently doesn’t form the centre of my life but is fit in slots whenever I have some free time. As a result of this and my current job as an Art teacher I am taking the art perspective from a different angle; What does society teach art for? What kind of art does it teach? How do young people react to it, and feel about it?