I’ve been walking this path for years. Carrying a bag on my back I was told to open when I got to the edge of the cliff. Finally! Some end in sight. I sit on the edge, letting my feet dangle off the overhang and start unzipping the satchel I’d been hauling. Planks of wood? Tools? Rope? What am I supposed to do with this? I glance over to the other side of the cliff and see the familiar silhouettes of my parents.
Everyone says you’re at the age where you’re bridging the gap between child and adult. Nobody told me that I had to build-the bridge myself. Thought it would just happen. Instead, I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff, without any skills of carpentry, waving to the grown-ups on the other side. My mother and father are ushering me towards them, still deliberating in their heads, if they’ve done a good job in raising a stand up human being. Every action at this age, seems like it’s just an attempt, to recapture the magic of how exciting things were when I was a child. That sentiment probably sounded much darker than I envisaged. But this does make me wonder; is that why we get full grown Disneyland fanatics, or middle-aged women idealising middle-aged ex-boybands and bronies?!
Is that why I still like animation?
Drawing seems to be the only reoccurring motif in my life -that I’ve carried through from ages 2 to 21. It’s one of those things that we are encouraged to do in nursery and only a few of us are doing it by secondary school, then, sometimes, you’re left still letting it consume you for hours, you can’t help shake the feeling, though, that it’s somewhat childish and a waste of time. Is it?
I’ve been trying to write and draw a graphic novel because I want to combine the skill an English degree has taught me along with my long-time passion. But it’s not going very well. Turns out I can’t stick to a schedule, which is a vital skill for self-management. Who knew? It has strengthened my belief, however, in what I actually want to do in my life, I do want to learn to animate. Perhaps I’m not quite on the right path for that yet though, I avoided animation school in pursuit of practicality over unattainable dreams. But as practical as I try to conduct myself, the library daydreams of working at Pixar studios persist.