Today is the 11th day in February, aka, the week of Valentine’s day. I, a single girl in her early 20’s, have thus far scrolled past at least ten articles on ‘how to celebrate GALentines day’, have seen statuses and posts galore in which one laments having to spend another Valentine’s day ‘utterly alone’, and have walked past countless vomit inducing shop aisles that include fluffy hearts, giant teddy bears and, in the case of Marks and Spencer, a ‘love sausage’ – a marketing ploy that for reasons unknown was not vetoed at the very first conceptualisation. To summarise; Valentine’s day is everywhere.
Whilst Valentine’s day is a wonderful excuse to go above and beyond with expensive wine and overpriced dinner, the day has become aggressive and damaging – it cultivates insecurities both within those who are in a relationship and those who are not. Those with a significant other feel the need to celebrate in ways bigger and better than others, and those without a significant other feel as if they are severely lacking in something which everyone else seems to have. Why are we allowing ourselves to be bullied by a single day in February to spend money we don’t have, or to confess love that is otherwise not there?
There is a prevalent narrative that circulates every February that makes single people seem desperate, lonely, bleak, and in some kind of desperate need to do something fun to fill the void of loneliness that is felt on Valentine’s day. This popular narrative – most obvious in the recent rise in Galentine’s celebrations, or desperate last minute attempts to enter a relationship before the first week of February ends - is problematic due to the way it cultivates insecurities by implicitly telling single people that they are, by default, lacking something. The flaw of wanting to make single people feel somewhat included on a day that is blown out of proportion on so many levels actually contributes to making people feel as if their life is damaged or not being fulfilled without having a significant other.
Being single is often a choice that many of us make – we don’t want to sympathetically hear ‘you’ll find someone soon!’ or ‘things will get better, the right guy is just around the corner’ because, quite frankly, I don’t need anyone else to improve my life. Whilst I have loved the times I have been in love, I have loved the strength and self-worth I have gained from falling out of it. I take it as an opportunity to understand my flaws, to deal with my emotions and teach myself to be better in ways which mean not only will I have a better understanding of who I am, but I am also becoming better at understanding other people and what they need from me. I am grateful for the times I have been single in my life because of these periods of growth. I don’t need to be bullied and intimidated by the 14th February into suddenly feeling like I need someone else’s presence to solidify strength and happiness within myself.
The increase in Galentine’s celebrations – a day made famous by Parks and Rec’s Leslie Knope to celebrate female friendships – further adds to this sense of lack and, if anything, adds the pressure of celebrating on one specific day to an otherwise healthy and easy relationship. My female friends have been the one constant source of love and light in my life and sure, of course I want to celebrate these girls, but specifically placing this celebration on one day of the year is to deny these women the comfort and happiness they provide me with for the remaining 364 days of the year; it minimizes celebrating their extraordinary force of love into a 24 hour period – a length of time that is not near long enough for me to even begin to explain their impact on my life.
My friends make me laugh until I ugly laugh and can’t breathe, they support me through my hardest periods of heartbreak and are always the first to remind me that they are proud of me. They send presents when they know I’m feeling low and are always there with wine and tissues should I need to cry. Their support is endless and glorious – group chats and text chains are rarely ever inactive due to the constant support and love being sent around on a daily basis. I don’t want to see these female friendships as acting as some kind of stand in until I get a boyfriend – these women are not my relationship understudy but are, all, the starring role in the movie of my life. They are my safety net, they are softness when I feel like the world is against me, they are love.
Celebrating Galentine’s day is fine, I’ve even done it before. But I do feel, as I grow older, that I can’t pigeon-hole my love for my friends into one specific day of the year. Their never-ending support and love shows that they deserve to be celebrated all year round because, as it turns out, I may not be in a relationship, but I have multiple love interests. Numerous people whose existence I am grateful for every minute of my life; people who provide me with love in ways which mean I could never, not even for a second, feel as if I am lacking anything in my life, not even during the most dramatic and romantic-love-oriented week in the year.