Founder and chair of Glitter Cymru. A social monthly group based in Cardiff for Black, Asian & Minority Ethnic ( BAME) people who identify as LGBT+. This group was set up in July 2016 and has been going strong since. We have a range of attendees from local residents, international students to asylum seekers.
Projects
- The Age of Gay MenI have a big birthday coming up and I’m dreading it. Friends and acquaintances ask “oh, so how old will you be?” I blush and giggle and say it’s my 25th birthday, knowing full well they’re aware I’ve somehow mysteriously remained the same age for the past five years. Eurgh, I don’t care what they think. I plan to be 25 until I die! I know I’m tragic. As you can tell by my juvenile denial and insecurities about my age, I hate getting older. But are you surprised by my attitude? Let’s face it, particularly among gay men, youth and masculinity are two of the most celebrated attributes in our community. I have no idea how this all came about, but older gay men (who don’t fit in the ‘masc daddy’ tribe) are completely invisible in gay media. Apart from say Sir Ian McKellen, I don’t see many older LGBT role models or stories being picked up. It seems young gay men give ageing pop culture female divas more respect and notoriety then older gay men. I know I’ve been guilty of this dismissive behaviour and I can’t help but think it’s all a bit sad. Birthdays are a reminder that time is flying by and the things I coulda, woulda, shoulda done with my life. I think this hurts the most, the regret. Recently, I dug up some old photos of me travelling around North America in my early 20s. In a particular picture I was standing next to New York’s Wall Street Bull and by gosh I looked gorgeous and thin…soooo thin. Not to toot my own horn of course (but then if I don’t, who will?). Frankly, looking at these old pictures fills me with melancholy that I didn’t take advantage of my awesome figure i.e. worn better fitted clothing and pursued indecent proposals that came my way. I wish I’d lived a bit and had taken the chance to actually express myself instead of being wrapped up in worrying what people thought of me and ditched my self-inflicted pressures. It’s true what they say: “youth is wasted on the young.” I see many young gay men beat themselves up for not achieving something at a certain period in their lives, be it the perfect body to the perfect career. I can’t help but feel there’s a taint of heteronormative behaviour to all of this. We have consciously or unconsciously absorbed from wider society that happiness follows a certain order and time-frame. Such as getting an education, a job, a partner, a house, kids and finally retiring in adult nappies. On top of it all we as human beings have an innate compulsion to make comparisons with one another – which is the most toxic part of it all. As a hopeful wide-eyed teenager I had aspirations and goals. I’d envision that before reaching 30, I’d be married to some masc top while living in a Disney-themed castle and driving a Mercedes Cabriolet. I can confirm, I haven’t got any of these things in my life and that’s OK. Funny thing is, many of my straight peers have somewhat achieved these goals and I initially felt left behind. Now I’ve come to realise these comparisons to heteronormative and materialistic ideals are not healthy for LGBT people. We as LGBT people need to celebrate that our lives won’t necessarily follow a conventional path – be it finding love in our 50s to finally getting that Mercedes at 70. I think my fear of getting older would be eased by seeing older LGBT people being respected and valued by our youth obsessed community. After all, none of us can escape old age, but what we can control is that we don’t get bitter by regretting things we coulda, woulda, shoulda done and focus on opportunities that exist now, no matter what our age. Perhaps then, being gay and ageing won’t seem so bad after all. https://www.gmfa.org.uk/fs160-the-age-of-gay-men
- How the 'gaysian' community helped me reconcile my Asian self with my gay self (The Independent)The reason I moved to London was to give myself mental space after coming out to my Asian family. My parents were devastated as they had planned an arranged marriage for me, their only son, and the cultural significance of my wedding was huge. Even though they came from a place of love, these expectations were causing me immeasurable stress and upset. I had no choice but to leave the family home for the sake of my mental health. Today, after having left home and ingratiated myself with the ‘gays
- A letter to my future boyfriend (The Independent)Dear future boyfriend, Let me first introduce myself. I’m Vish - a myopic, Asian gay guy with a messy fringe. And it's nice to meet you – well, whenever I actually do, that is. I know some people would find it strange that I’m writing to someone they’ve never meet or who may not even exist. But hey, what do I have to lose? I blame this lovey-dovey festive season for making me put hand to keyboard. I’m currently a sentimental mess, where a mere glance at a gingerbread nativity scene will leave me teary-eyed. There’s just something about this time of year that forces me to reflect on the past, present and future, and query what’s fundamentally important. Things got pretty heavy for me a few years ago. My traditional Indian parents were in a frenzy to get me married off to a good Indian girl. They refused to acknowledge my sexuality and I was too scared to talk about it much, living in fear of their rejection. I tried to reach out to them by dropping hints, but they turned a blind eye. My need to please everyone got the better of me and I got engaged to a girl I barely knew. The wedding never happened. I came out in the end with shattered expectations – and, indeed, shattered hearts - everywhere. The whole ordeal left me numb, but I did see light at the end of the tunnel. I saw you. I couldn’t marry someone else, bury my sexuality and throw away the possibility – no matter how small - of one day meeting you. I couldn’t give up on holding your hand, seeing your smile, feeling your warmth. During my teens, I longed for a high school boyfriend just like my female peers or the pretty white girls I saw in teen rom-coms. However, I quickly released that there wasn’t a blueprint for someone who looked like me. I was nothing more to most boys I went to school with than a few homophobic asides and jokes about my “girly” mannerisms or my high-pitched voice. You could say my confidence took several hits. Thankfully, it wasn't all teen angst and insecurities. I found solace in TV, particularly in hyper teen drama Dawson’s Creek. I was infatuated with jack, the Creek’s resident gay teen. He was hauntingly beautiful and his vulnerability was identifiable to me. I’d regularly visit his online fan page and participate in forum discussions on what shade of blue his eyes were. Tragic, I know. It’s been a long road to rebuilding my life after the collapse of my arranged marriage, and the quest to find love out of the closet has been challenging to say the least. I’ve used dating apps, where I rarely get responses from my countless messages. I’ve ventured out on the gay scene, which is great fun - but people tend to stick to their own cliques. There’s still a lot to learn, even about the community I’m now a part of. My experiences have left me closed off and guarded – but slowly, I’ve started to become more confident with expressing my authentic self. What is my authentic self? Well, it’s a version of me that expresses vulnerability, and unashamedly expresses it. It’s a version that is proud of my upbringing and my background, but can’t allow myself to be stifled or repressed by it. And it’s a version that remembers the homophobic comments, but doesn’t dwell on them. It’s been a long road, but I can’t wait to meet you. https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/a-letter-to-my-future-boyfriend-a6759221.html
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Projects credited in
- Meet 100 LGBT+ Trailblazers Redefining the Creative IndustryWe asked influential LGBT+ icons to nominate trailblazers who they believe are redefining the creator landscape. The result? A unique and incredible list of 100 trailblazing LGBT+ folk breaking barriers and inspiring change! We’re on a mission to explore and tackle inequalities in the creative industry - this is why we run diversity initiatives, dedicating our curated projects and people sections on The Dots to undersung groups. This brings together an abundance of dazzling work from diverse cr103
Skills
- Activism
- Feature Writer
- Political Campaigning