Hello, hello.
This is the second entry of Diary of a Daoist.
Today's focus is on this idea of the uncarved block. It's been testing me today, I've allowed my beautifully manic creative expression and desire to do all these great things and make stuff. But I've spread myself very thin mentally, by giving myself unrealistic expectations, to do all of the things that I can see in the vision for what I want to do. I get caught up in this endless cycle of having these plans for these amazing things. And then having too many plans and seeing them all laid out. All of my sporadic post-it notes scribbling then I get stressed out, and I'm like, “fuck I'm one person, how do I do that”. Realizing I cannot do anything beyond what is within reach.
This morning, when I was on a run, going into Hampton Court into Bushy Park. Climbing up a lovely little tree. I did not realize till just now what it was teaching me about the rest of the day. Where at each point in the climb, I could only reach that. That next point on the branch. I couldn't climb up the tree from the trunk, which I normally do. So I had to climb up from one of the overhanging branches that were spread out, struggled my way up using one or the other branches to shift my weight over. And it was not completely comfortable. But I got up there. And I only got to the centre of that tree, hand by hand and crawl by crawl, using the branch above me to balance me as well. Only using what was within reach, I couldn't just reach straight up to the centre. So I had to find another way through that allowed me to take those steps and a beautiful little metaphor for the rest of this day that I did not listen to, but now I've realized.
I can see the fully grown tree in my head, or what I think it can be. And I get overwhelmed by the size of this tree in these dreams that I forget to even start and even reach for that branch that’s hanging down, waiting to be climbed. Because there are all these branches within reach, but I guess it's actually giving it a go and just climbing one branch and seeing where that leads. And if that doesn't work, just climb around. Like when I was climbing down the tree I was disoriented and couldn't get down the other side. So I allowed myself to find another way, climbed through the branch through the centre of the tree and then over to the other side and slowly slowly slowly shuffled my way down and dropped out of the tree. And right in front of a lovely man that I ended up having a 20-minute chat with.
A retired taxi driver, who walks through Bushy Park and takes photos of these birds’ nests and has been watching them for weeks and watching these baby ducks grow. Some of them learnt how to fly. It's just beautiful. I would not have had that beautiful conversation if it hadn't been for getting stuck up that tree.
The rest of the day I was allowing the Mars energy of a Tuesday to run rampant and
[friend interlude]
knocks
da
oh you’re here
I am in
ohhh i’ll let you get back to it
no worries my friend.
i didn’t think you were in
yeah i’m here man
ahhhhhhhhh wonderful news
what wonderful news
Oh, yeah, we're talking about the uncarved block. So, this whole idea of Laozi says something like;
“be simple, like an uncarved block”
Like before any part of it has been chipped away and tried to be shaped into this beautiful little piece to be sold or to try and appeal to people.
What is your uncarved block?
Who are you before you've been shaped?
Because if you've been shaped, you cannot be shapeable - sometimes. So it talks about this idea of being simple, shapeable, and whole. Today, my rampant creative ideas were exploding all over my desk in colourful post-it notes and overwhelming another part of myself. I moved away from that simple shapeable whole version of myself. Whilst it was necessary to branch out that much to then be able to refine back to what it's simple, I could have avoided all that anks by picking one thing, and having the courage to go with it. But weirdly, I needed to go through all of that, to be able to then see the beauty of it.
Yeah, this is a beautiful thing I’m doing but it is also terrifying. The fact that someone else could be listening to this right now when it is just me, sitting in my room, watching the rain, hit the floor outside the window……… is beautiful, but terrifying. So, whoever is listening I would just pose a suggestion that if you're like me, who can sometimes move away from that uncarved block - that simple, whole version of ourselves, the essence of who we are, a natural version before we shape ourself to fit into this mould for other people.
How can I work towards being that version of myself more?
I think it looks like moving and allowing myself to express myself in ways that don't always need words. Whilst I'm doing that, right now. Movement for me is a way that I can completely embody that part of myself that doesn't have an outlet, apart from complete freedom to move.
It's beautiful because there's no way that I can truly make money from that and I kind of love that because for so long, so much of my life, I was trying to find ways to make money from the things that I love doing. It's a beautiful part of my life that will almost forever be untainted and unshaped because I can't and it's just for me.
I don’t know if you can hear the rain right now, but it's beautiful… I don't know what more there is to say. We'll leave it at that. That was the second edition of the Diary of a Daoist.
Thank you for listening.
Good night.