its a lot
a project in which i explore growing up lgbt+ and the higher risk of mental health issues that sadly go hand in hand with the community. I developed a series of images and text into a handmade book, which acts as a letter to my younger self, but also aims to help others growing up lgbt+.
Growing up is something that I think can be a difficult time for anyone regardless of who you are. Its weird because no-one tells you how to feel or what to do, you just kind of have to find things out for yourself and make decisions based on your own judgement. I think when you add another level to this, being part of the LGBT community, it adds a whole other level of complication. Emotions are confusing, mainly because you are feeling things that you have never felt before and you don’t always know what to do with it. Its a lot. When you grow up straight, its the norm, so, generally speaking,
you know whats going or even when you don’t you are surrounded by other people who you can talk to and relate to. Its not like that when you’re LGBT+, especially when you’re not out. Not only is it hard to talk to people about your emotions, you cant even begin to describe how you are feeling. Its weird because trying to put my past into a set of emotions was so much harder than I thought. I realised its because I genuinely had no idea what the emotions were, what they meant or even that I was suffering with my mental health. You don’t get taught any of this in school, not on the level that we as a community probably need. And I don’t want this to come across as attention seeking or like ‘oooh poor me, my life is shit’ because that is completely not what this is supposed to be about. I am lucky and I know full-well that I am lucky. There are a lot of other people going through a lot worse and while I have struggled with stuff in the past, my life isn’t a bad one. But I want to be able to support my community, and let people know that’s it is hard (sometimes). No one should have to struggle with this and LGBT mental health is something that is a huge problem. Gay and bisexual men are four times more likely to attempt suicide across their lifetime than the rest of the population, and LGBT+ people are one and a half times more likely to develop depression and anxiety compared to the rest of the population. I am lucky that my mental health has generally always been alright, and when I was struggling with it, I didn’t even know that I was, its only now that I look back and can see it. And that is really what I am trying to express here. And I think with this privilege comes a responsibility to try and help other people, if I can. I cant tell anyone what to do, how to act or how to feel, but I can say that you are 100% not on your own and shouldn’t ever feel isolated, no matter who you are.
Its a lot, growing up and coming to terms with your identity, and there were days that I wished that I wasn’t gay, but things do get easier and with time I have become the person that I am. I have realised I am so proud to be part of the LGBT community, and I now feel ashamed that I tried to deny it for such a long time. I want people to be able to talk about how they’re feeling more, and I think schools should teach more about LGBT relationships and
mental health from an early age, making it widely know and less daunting as a discussion. Ive learnt growing up that there are people everywhere who will listen to your shit, and will do what they can regardless of how big or small the problem. While this book is personal, a kind of letter to my younger self, I want others to take comfort from it, and let you know that whatever you’re feeling, you can overcome it, even though it might seem hard right now, in a few days/months/years you will look back at the way you are feeling and realise how far you have come, as I and so many others have done too.