Theoretically, I am 100% in support of veganism, and believe the world would be a happier, healthier and more sustainable place if everyone were vegan.
Veganism very much coincides with everything I believe in; I am a strong advocate of equality for all beings and the elimination of earthly suffering. I equally believe that a plant-based diet is the most natural way for humans to eat; in the animal kingdom, our digestive systems most resemble those of gorillas, who are themselves completely vegan.
But theory and practice are very different things - especially when it comes to eating habits. This is evident in the universal phenomenon of knowing that extra slice of cake isn't going to be good for you or make you happy, and then eating it anyway.
So despite my wholehearted endorsement of the vegan diet, I discovered that for some people, myself included, a change in eating habits requires more than passion for the cause.
I do not respond well to restricting myself when it comes to food. It always always always ends up with me binging on whatever was forbidden. And my attempt at veganism was no different.
I have never been a huge meat-eater. I was vegetarian for 10 years, and don’t even particularly like the taste of meat.
However, when I broke my vegan vow, I appeared to unleash a carnivorous monster. I ate so much more meat than I had ever done before, making the whole ordeal seem rather counter-productive.
This is not to discourage anyone from trying-out veganism - you will likely have more success than I did. I am proud of myself for giving it a go, and have zero self-criticism for the way things turned out.
I have a history of excessively controlling my eating. It never works out well, and I failed to realise at the time that I would respond similarly to the restriction involved in a vegan diet - even though this diet was for ethical reasons and not weight loss.
In the past, I have been very obsessive and “perfectionistic” with what I eat, only eating certain things and weighing everything meticulously. I would set myself highly unrealistic rules, and whenever I inevitably strayed from these I would binge on everything I had disallowed myself. At its worst, this led to a phase in which I followed the binging with purging - I am aware this is quite serious, and is not something I have struggled with for over 3 years.
Unfortunately, this mindset and disordered eating is likely to be quite relatable for a lot of people.
So for the sake of my mental wellbeing, and despite believing so strongly that veganism is the way forward, I came to realise that another form of dietary restriction would not be good for me. I first-of-all need to work on developing a healthy relationship with food.
The whole experience has taught me a lot about myself, and I have since redirected my energy towards not-obsessing about what I eat. I think this project is much more suited to where I am in life and to my overall wellbeing.
To summarise, meat-eaters and non-vegans should not feel any shame and should not be criticised. We have grown up with certain dietary habits, and our restaurants and supermarkets equally cater for and propagate these habits, so veganism and vegetarianism often require a very privileged state-of-mind and stage-of-life.
I very much admire anybody who has been able to make the changes, but I myself am not yet equipped practically and mentally to do so!
My dream is still to one day cut-out meat and animal products from my diet, but first of all I am working on enjoying food and eating with balance.
