Love and the workplace: a call for kindness
Antique authoritarian management styles should be sent to the shredder, along with the matching shoulder pads. It's time for care being central to all our interactions in the workplace. I wrote a piece about love and the workplace for Valentine's Day.
When I write about love and the workplace, don’t worry, I’m not thinking Hallmark movie or Mills & Boon novel (though no shade if you love those stories). I’m talking about care, the kind of platonic love us humans are capable of. Looking out for one another, being considerate, and placing wellbeing at the centre of our work. Not as a tickbox exercise, or something just a few people are responsible for. But embedding care into every interaction.
My perspective is that of a neurodivergent person, who has chronic illnesses. I’ve worked since age 16, and those jobs I’ve thrived in are the ones where I’ve felt seen and cared for. The manager who regularly asked how I was feeling. Who encouraged me to work from home or take leave when they could see I was running low on energy, or having a pain day. A small, one sentence recognition of difficulties can be so powerful in its demonstration of understanding.
The manager who knew my strengths and gave me autonomy to act on them. They would check in without micro-managing and asking for every minute to be accounted for. This demonstrated trust. The line manager who gave constructive feedback, who knew how to give guidance in a positive, supportive way.With recognition of the challenges I face daily, alongside support, and trust that I’m capable of doing a great job — my motivation is strengthened, and my loyalty boosted. Because in this type of environment, I feel accepted, safe, and able to be myself. Yet so often the workplace is seen as somewhere to be competitive, to trample on people, to ‘win’ an invisible contest.
When Rodney King famously said, “Can’t we all just get along?”, he was referring to the racism and police brutality that led to the Los Angeles riots in 1992. His words feel powerful in such a concise way, distilling layered problems into a single sentence. They also transcend that particular context and can be applicable to so much of our society. Why can’t we all just get along? Many of us spend a third of our lives at work. So, wouldn’t it make sense for workplaces to be caring places?
Those environments where I have not thrived have been autocratic. The fast food restaurant where we could not question the authority of management and had to put up with bad behaviour out of fear of losing our jobs. The call centre where every moment was monitored. The line managers who micro-managed and punished when they perceived tasks not being carried out in the exact way they’d envisaged. The cultures that supervised but did not support. They were not environments underpinned by care.Kate Heinz writes about the drawbacks of hierarchical cultures for Built In:
“The rigidity of hierarchy cultures leaves little room for creativity, making these companies relatively slow to adapt to the changing marketplace. The company takes precedence over the individual.”
Antique authoritarian management styles should be said “bye-bye” to in the shredder, along with the matching shoulder pads. The world has moved on. We now understand that one working style does not fit all. We are learning about the diversity of needs and backgrounds among human beings. Of course, the multiplicity was always there, but now it is being researched, understood and recognised. So, the work environments that are still treating individuals as if they are one entity must change.
The ONS published several different pieces of data in their report “Outcomes for disabled people in the UK: 2020.” It states that in the UK, around half of disabled people are in work, compared with over 80% of non-disabled people. And the autism employment gap is even wider, with just 22% of autistic people reported in paid work. The Health Foundation asserts that in 2019, 12% of all workers in the UK were from ethnic minority groups, increasing to 34% in London. Looking after the needs of all employees is not just the right thing to do, employers and managers have a responsibility to create positive environments. We are not all the same, yet we all deserve an equally positive experience of working. What kind of a society would we be if we did not strive for equality?London PR Agency BCW Global carried out their inaugural International Workforce Insights Study in 2021, to uncover employee expectations and needs. Head of transformation, James Morley, said,
“the ability to listen and hear the voices and opinions of employees is critical, and keeping those conversations going is fundamental. As, as ever, so is transparency of communications, and the dynamics between employees and leaders is shifting. Employees want to believe in the work they are doing, and they want flexibility. It comes down to redefining the purpose of the workplace itself.”
We all come to the table at different levels of confidence, with different stories. A micro-aggression that deeply affects one person, might not register with another. The experience of being autistic in the workplace is different for every autistic person, just as being neurotypical in the workplace is different for every neurotypical person. I benefit from constructive feedback, from being able to talk ideas through, to have my strengths recognised, and my not-so-strong points supported. I find it very difficult to understand a lack of kindness, and I experience an ongoing generalised anxiety. So, when in a top down culture that doesn’t value kind communication or support, I can feel extra anxious, alone, demotivated, and unsafe. This stress can then have a knock-on effect on my illnesses. Organisations must level imbalances.On Forbes, Micah Solomon discusses how a broken corporate culture disempowers employees:
“We become this way when we’re ignored, intimidated, or both; when we’re told (through words, actions, and observable cultural norms) that we’re being paid only for our mindless labor [sic], and that our brains, hearts, and humanity not only don’t matter, but could get us into trouble if we choose to use them or let them show.”
On BetterUp, Ian Munro shares some of the benefits of employee empowerment as:
“increased comfort in making mistakes, reduced stress and burnout, employee development and a trust-based culture.”
Among the strategies for empowerment, he cites:
“fostering trust and respect… setting new goals… providing feedback and coaching team members to unleash their strengths.”
I really want to be able to bring my whole self to work. For everyone to be able to. That doesn’t mean oversharing. But it can mean vulnerability, being able to acknowledge our individual makeup and needs. I want to regularly ask myself the question, “What do I need from a workplace in order to do my best work?” Because it’s easy to forget, to slip underneath a culture that is not considerate. To lose confidence and begin to feel that fear in the workplace is the norm rather than care. What I would most like to witness, is employers regularly asking the question, “What do our employees need from our workplace in order to do their best work?” This can’t simply be a brand motto, a company must ensure that positive change is enacted in all their corners. And with changing power dynamics, many employees could begin to leave those companies that choose to stay stagnant.
If every interaction at work was carried out with care in mind, from company-wide policies through to the way feedback is given and internal emails are written - that’s the kind of workplace love story I want to be involved in. One where the world feels a little bit kinder every day.