The rather infamous phrase ‘The Five Stages Of Grief’ comes from the Kubler-Ross model,
often quoted to those as a tool to deal with loss. It is safe to say that during Covid-19 every
one of us in one way or another has experienced loss. Some albeit more than others, there
is a strong sense across the country - even the world - that we are all experiencing the
different stages of a global pandemic… together.
The series of emotions goes like this; denial, anger, depression, bargaining and finally
acceptance. The accuracy of this model is thought to be outdated and has lost its credibility
to many scientists who believe it to be entirely unhelpful in dealing with loss. However,
when it comes to a global pandemic it seems rather fitting. Since the beginning of the year
we have lost loved ones, jobs, independence, the rhythm of a normal routine and speaking
for myself – on occasion – my mind. So how are we dealing with not only our own worlds,
but the world as a whole turning upside down?
Denial, the first stage of Kubler-Ross’s model. It won’t happen to me, it won’t happen to my
family. It will pass in a few weeks. Most of us thought this, right? Denial comes from fear,
the fear of the unknown, the fear of what’s to come. Having seen what happened in
countries weeks before us, the idea of what was coming was incredibly scary… and thus
ignored. In the stages of grief this is where people cling to an alternative reality, convinced it
simply isn’t happening. Delving into the world of lockdown, drinking at 12pm on a
Wednesday and doing your seventh quiz of the week became the new-norm. We rejected
the idea and rejoiced in wearing the same pyjamas for five days straight. When we recognised that denial couldn’t continue – that this Covid-stuff is real - the second stage materialized.
Anger. If you’re anything like me you’ve tried to forget those few weeks of absolute panic
where our country turned into a post-apocalyptic, loo-roll lacking society hoarding pasta
and baked beans with a cap on how much we can buy at the super-market. Those were the
days… Anger sparked and many of us became dinner table pandemic experts. Every
conversation was about how we’ve done it all wrong, if the economy will survive and what
we think should have happened. For the slightly more motivated anger gave rise to
adrenaline and home workouts boomed. Joe Wicks became a prodigy. However, the biggest
emotional response to anger is finding someone to condemn. You only had to watch the
news for five minutes to see our politicians throwing blame around like a game of hot
potato. We wanted answers and we wanted them now! When we didn’t receive them anger
turned to depression, the third stage of grief.
Depression. For many of us those workouts stopped, the quizzes (finally) came to an end
and enthusiasm for the indoors slowly declined. People were getting restless and bored,
Houseparty dried up quicker than the hose-pipe bans and the UK faced a lull. This was the
hard part, the part where if you didn’t have a garden you resented those that did. Suddenly
nature and the outside world became a curious, treasured place. The one hour exercise
window became the most important part of the day. It was in this stage that mother nature
flourished. Without us she thrived and suddenly the classic saying “clear blue skies without
a cloud insight” became “clear blue skies without a plane insight.” With pollen reaching its
highest count in 70 years it felt as though the environment was reclaiming what once was
theirs – nature. The fourth stage of grief runs parallel to depression and with depression you
get bargaining.
Bargaining. In the global pandemic’s case, bargaining comes in all shapes and sizes. For
many of us this was if I can’t have freedom I’ll have this instead which has been a blessing
for Jeff Bezos who finds himself 24 billion dollars better-off than before the pandemic.
Bargaining aids unnecessary purchases and in many cases people in their twenties are
experiencing the classic mid-life-crisis-equals-buy-a-motorbike ordeal. But hey, why not? If
not now then when, right? This is the stage where we question and barter. Do we have to
go back to an office, and if not, can we do this instead? Eventually through bargaining and
discovering a new-normal, learning to cope and adjusting to change we find ourselves in the
final stage, acceptance.
Acceptance. For many of us this is creating pandemic resolutions and sticking to them or
realising you haven’t spent the last three months becoming a yoga hotshot like you said you
would in March but knowing that that’s ok. Learning that keeping yourself safe is the key to
keeping others safe. Making plans for the future and realising you’re not alone in feeling
slightly lost and unprepared for what’s to come. Learning that there’s a hell of a lot more
going on in our world than just this pandemic and that things need to change. With
acceptance there comes a sense of hope, we can’t change what’s happened but we can
work together to change the future. So whatever stage you’re in, good luck – you’ve got
this.